Today, everyone is learning about the powerful healing effects of EMDR therapy, also known as Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. EMDR is a healing modality that allows you to heal past any trauma by reprocessing and transcending beyond what holds you back. Without experiencing the same level of stress, you can learn to not just survive a loss or trauma, but thrive beyond it, building new meaning in your life. EMDR has high efficacy too–seven out of 10 studies reported EMDR therapy to be more rapid and/or more effective than trauma-focused cognitive behavior therapy (CBT).
How do you know that you need EMDR Therapy?
Trauma is not just from a car accident, war, or violence. It can come from minor things that happened when we were very young. What may seem like nothing to an adult can be a very big deal to a small child, and your nervous system remembers. This is why trauma can show up in hidden ways. It’s when you understand that something is wrong—but you can’t seem to think your way out of it.
Maybe you know exactly where your anxiety comes from. Maybe you don’t. You may have talked about it in therapy. You may understand your childhood, your relationships, your patterns, and even the reasons you react the way you do. And yet, something still happens. A comment sends you into a spiral. A relationship triggers an old fear of rejection. Your body reacts before your mind can catch up. You know you’re safe, but you don’t feel safe. You tell yourself, “I shouldn’t still be affected by this.” But you are. This is one of the reasons people seek out EMDR therapy: they want to change the automatic stress response to everyday life.
What is EMDR Therapy?
EMDR—Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing—is a structured psychotherapy that helps people work with experiences that continue to feel emotionally or physically “stuck.” Rather than requiring you to repeatedly talk through every detail of what happened, EMDR uses a structured process to help your brain and nervous system reprocess distressing experiences. I provide EMDR therapy for clients in the Bay Area, including Los Gatos, Saratoga, San Jose, and surrounding South Bay communities, as well as through telehealth.
How is EMDR different from talk therapy?
Unlike talk therapy, with EMDR therapy, you don’t have to keep analyzing the same problem. Sometimes insight isn’t the problem. You’ve already had the insight. You know your father was critical. You know that relationship wasn’t healthy. You know the breakup wasn’t your fault. You know you are competent. You know you’re safe now. But some part of you still reacts as though the old experience is happening in the present. EMDR works with that gap between what you know intellectually and what your nervous system still believes.
How does EMDR Therapy work?
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) is a structured form of psychotherapy originally developed to help people process traumatic experiences. Today, EMDR is used with a range of trauma- and stress-related difficulties, including PTSD, anxiety, phobias, grief, painful memories, and other experiences that continue to cause distress.
The name can make EMDR sound much more complicated than it feels. You are not hypnotized. You are not unconscious. You don’t lose control. And you don’t have to tell me every painful detail of your life. Instead, we identify specific experiences, beliefs, emotions, and body sensations connected to what you’re struggling with now. During reprocessing, you remain aware of the present while using bilateral stimulation—such as guided eye movements, tapping, or sounds—to support the processing of the experience. You remain in control throughout the process. You can pause. You can stop. And we move at a pace that your system can tolerate.
What Does an EMDR Session Actually Feel Like?
This is probably the question people ask me the most. And the honest answer is: it is often very different from what people expect. You might begin by identifying a particular memory or situation that still bothers you. We may look at:
• What image or moment comes to mind?
• What negative belief do you have about yourself?
• What emotion comes up?
• Where do you feel it in your body?
• What would you rather believe about yourself now?
Then, rather than spending the entire session talking about the experience, I guide you through short sets of bilateral stimulation. You might follow my fingers with your eyes. Or we may use tapping or another form of bilateral stimulation. After each set, I will ask what you notice. You don’t have to force anything to happen. You don’t have to figure anything out. You simply notice what comes up. A memory may change. An image may shift. You may suddenly remember something you hadn’t thought about in years. You may experience a new perspective. You may notice a physical sensation disappear. Or you may simply realize, “That doesn’t bother me the way it used to.” EMDRIA describes this as reprocessing rather than simply talking about the event.
Do I Have to Talk About My Trauma?
No—not in the way you may be imagining. EMDR can often work with a memory without requiring you to provide a detailed verbal account of everything that happened. I will need enough information to identify what we are working with, but the goal isn’t to make you relive the experience through an hour of talking. That can be an enormous relief for people who have already spent years explaining themselves.
“I Tried EMDR Before and It Didn’t Work.”
Let’s talk about this. When you hear, “EMDR didn’t work for me,” it doesn’t necessarily mean that EMDR can’t work for you. There are several reasons someone may have had a disappointing experience. The most common is that they may have started processing before they were ready. A complete EMDR approach includes preparation and stabilization before reprocessing. Some people need only a small amount of preparation. Others need considerably more. If your nervous system doesn’t feel sufficiently safe, pushing harder isn’t necessarily the answer. Sometimes the work needs to slow down before it can move forward.
Another common problem is that they may have been targeting the wrong thing. The thing bothering you today isn’t always the original wound. For example, you may come in because you’re overwhelmed by criticism from your partner. But underneath that reaction may be an older experience that taught you “I’m never good enough” or “If someone is disappointed in me, I’m going to be abandoned.” Finding the right target can make a significant difference.
Third, you may have needed a different therapeutic approach. EMDR is not a magic technique that should be forced onto every client. Sometimes anxiety needs attention first. Sometimes obsessive thinking needs a different intervention. Sometimes grief needs space. Sometimes a person needs to develop enough emotional regulation and safety before trauma processing is appropriate.
Good therapy isn’t about forcing you through a protocol. It’s about understanding what your particular system needs. And sometimes the therapist-client fit matters. EMDR is a structured treatment, but the relationship with your therapist still matters. You should feel respected. You should understand what you’re doing and why. You should be able to ask questions. And you should never feel pressured to process something before you’re ready.
How Long Does EMDR Take?
A typical EMDR session is 50–90 minutes, but the number of sessions varies considerably depending on your history, what you’re trying to address, how much preparation you need, and how many experiences are connected to the problem you’re experiencing today. For some people, a specific traumatic memory can be substantially processed within several sessions.
For more complex histories, treatment can take considerably longer. And sometimes the first thing we discover is that the problem you came in with is connected to something deeper. The goal isn’t to finish EMDR as quickly as possible. The goal is to help you actually change the way the experience lives inside you.
What If I Don’t Remember Everything?
You don’t have to. Many people assume they need a complete, chronological account of their childhood or trauma before they can begin. You don’t. EMDR can work with what you do remember—including an image, a feeling, a body sensation, a belief about yourself, or a particular moment that stands out. And sometimes your current reactions give us useful information about where to look. We don’t need to manufacture memories. We work with what you know and what your mind and body are showing us now.
What Can EMDR Help With?
EMDR is most widely associated with trauma and PTSD, but clinicians also use it with a broader range of distressing experiences and symptoms. Depending on your individual situation, EMDR may be part of treatment for:
• Trauma and PTSD
• Childhood emotional wounds
• Anxiety and panic
• Phobias
• Grief and loss
• Shame
• Relationship patterns
• Fear of rejection or abandonment
• Distressing memories
• Medical or other overwhelming experiences
• Performance anxiety
• Persistent feelings of being “not enough”
• Situations where your body continues reacting to something you intellectually know is over
For some concerns, other evidence-based approaches may be more appropriate or may work particularly well alongside EMDR. That is why the first step isn’t deciding that you need EMDR. The first step is understanding what is actually happening.
Will EMDR Erase My Memories?
No. This is important. The goal isn’t to forget what happened. You may remember the event perfectly well after EMDR. What can change is the emotional charge surrounding the memory. Instead of: “It happened, therefore something is wrong with me.” You may be able to remember: “It happened. It was painful. And it is over.” Instead of feeling that you are back inside the experience, you can begin to experience it as something that happened then rather than something your nervous system is still responding to now. EMDRIA describes the goal of processing as integrating the experience so that it can be remembered without the same level of disturbance.
What Makes My Approach Different?
I don’t believe therapy should be a one-size-fits-all protocol. EMDR is one of the tools I use, but I also draw from approaches such as somatic therapy, ACT, CBT, IFS-informed work, attachment-based therapy, and other trauma-informed approaches when they are appropriate. Because sometimes you don’t need more insight. Sometimes you need to calm your nervous system. Sometimes you need to change the way you relate to your thoughts. Sometimes you need to process an experience that your body hasn’t fully let go of. And sometimes you need several of these things working together. My job isn’t to make you fit with EMDR. My job is to understand what is keeping you stuck and determine whether EMDR is the right tool to help you move forward.
What Happens When You Start EMDR?
I don’t begin by digging into your most painful memory. I begin by understanding you. We’ll talk about what brings you to therapy, what you’ve already tried, what is happening now, your history, and what you want to change. Then we’ll determine whether EMDR is appropriate and, if so, how to approach it. EMDR follows an eight-phase framework that includes history and treatment planning, preparation, assessment, reprocessing, installation of adaptive beliefs, body scanning, closure, and reevaluation. That structure matters. Because effective trauma therapy isn’t simply about remembering. It’s about creating enough safety to process what happened—and enough integration that you can live differently afterward.
If you’ve spent years trying to understand yourself, you may already know a great deal about why you feel the way you do. But understanding something and being free from it aren’t always the same thing. You can know you’re safe and still feel afraid. You can know you’re loved and still expect rejection. You can know you’re capable and still feel like you’re failing. You can know the past is over and still have your body react as though it is happening again.
That doesn’t mean you’re broken.
It may mean there is something that hasn’t been fully processed. And that is something we can explore together.
Ready to Find Out Whether EMDR Is Right for You?
If you’re looking for EMDR therapy in the Bay Area, Los Gatos, Saratoga, Campbell, or San Jose, I offer a personalized, trauma-informed approach that begins with understanding your individual history—not simply applying a technique. You don’t have to know exactly what you need before reaching out. You don’t even have to be sure that EMDR is right for you. We can figure that out together. Contact me for a free 15-min EMDR therapy consultation.
EMDR Frequently Asked Questions
How many EMDR sessions will I need?
There isn’t one number that applies to everyone. The length of treatment depends on your history, the complexity of what you’re addressing, your readiness for reprocessing, and the number of targets that need attention. A single trauma target may take several sessions, while more complex histories may require longer treatment.
Is EMDR painful?
EMDR can bring up emotions, memories, sensations, or thoughts that have been difficult. However, you remain aware and in control throughout the process, and sessions include closure so you can return to a regulated state before leaving.
What if I tried EMDR before and it didn’t help?
That doesn’t automatically mean EMDR isn’t appropriate for you. Preparation, target selection, pacing, therapist fit, and the complexity of your history can all affect treatment. We can look at what happened previously and determine what might need to be different.
Can EMDR be done online?
EMDR can be adapted for telehealth in appropriate circumstances. We would discuss whether virtual treatment is a good fit for you during the initial assessment.
How long is an EMDR session?
A typical EMDR therapy session is approximately 50–90 minutes.
Will EMDR make me relive the trauma?
The purpose of EMDR isn’t to make you repeatedly tell or relive your story. You may experience emotions, images, body sensations, or memories during processing, but the treatment is structured around maintaining awareness of the present while processing the experience.
Do I need a diagnosis of PTSD to do EMDR?
No. EMDR is commonly associated with PTSD, but clinicians use it with a variety of trauma- and stress-related concerns. Whether it is appropriate depends on your individual circumstances.
EMDR Therapy in the Bay Area
If you’re searching for an EMDR therapist in Los Gatos, Saratoga, San Jose, or the greater Bay Area, you may be looking because you’ve already tried to solve the problem—and something still isn’t shifting. You don’t have to keep doing the same thing and hoping it eventually feels different.
Let’s find out what’s keeping you stuck.
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